To hold back the shadows
by princedarienofthewhitemoon
Summary: an angsty type fic dealing with how Haruka reacts to some anti-homosexual talk around school


Authors note:  
Hello all... this is going to be a bit different from what I usually write. Basically, I've gotten fed up with some of the things a couple of people at school have been saying about homosexuals. I'm really not sure how it all got started, but in the last two or so weeks, its been a rare day that I haven't had to excuse myself from the room at lunch or break to keep from saying something that would get me in a lot of trouble with the ... shall we say, "organization" I belong to. So, one day after listening to the very conversation described below for the better part of thirty minutes, I went home at lunch and wrote this.   
I know that the grammar is horrible, and the story isn't well developed at all. Also, I took some excessive liberties with story line and characters ... basically, I threw this together to vent some things off my chest. But venting doesn't do any good if there's no one to vent to, and I can't very well ask my roommate to read this so... fanfiction.net it was.   
Enjoy, and please tell me what you think.   
  
  
  
Haruka grit her teeth in barely suppressed anger as she listened to the idiot next to her.   
  
"I tell you, its true! I read about this study in a magazine that says gay men have an extra bone in their ear. And that's what messes their brains up so bad. The extra bone jacks up their brains, and makes 'em perverts!"  
  
It took an amazing amount of will power not to smash the little bigots nose in. Things only got worse when one of the students speaking him turned to Haruka and asked her opinion of the matter.   
  
She knew that if she struck him down it would only cast a shadow of doubt on her own sexuality... already in question by some due to her complete lack of dating.   
  
And Michiru.   
  
Everyone knew that Michiru was bisexual. Though she did date some men, she and Elza Grey had had an open relationship for more than a year. And now she was spending all her time with Haruka...   
  
Whenever she entered a room, Haruka heard whisperings stop, conversations come to a sudden halt, and every gaze land on her.   
  
'This is messed up...' Haruka thought to herself, 'Michiru and I are just friends... why cant anyone understand that?' But she had to respond to the young man speaking to her.   
  
Thankfully, she was saved by Michiru entering the room. No one bad mouthed homosexuals around her. Her parents knew about her preferences, and they had the money, power, and influence to make sure that nobody messed with their little girl.   
  
As the aqua haired musician entered the room, her eyes lit on Haruka. So, smiling brightly, she took a seat next to her fellow senshi.  
  
'Wow...' Haruka thought as Michiru took a seat next to her, 'that new scarf really brings out the color of her eyes... Damn it! Quit thinking like that!'  
  
"Sorry I'm late..." Michiru whispered. "Business... the Neptune kind."  
  
Ah... yet another thing that was weighing on Haruka's mind these days. Duty. Specifically, her duty as the soldier of wind. True, it had brought her Michiru's friendship, but that brought its own problems. Not the least of which was the fact that Haruka felt definite, other than platonic flutterings in her chest when ever the other girl looked at her.   
  
And that was most definitely a problem. Haruka wasn't a lesbian... at least, she didn't think so. True, she had never found a man that she found attractive. And she did have feelings toward Michiru... But in no way was Haruka prepared for what entering a romantic relationship with a member of the same sex would bring.  
  
Such as telling her parents. Her father, especially, had strong feelings in that area.   
  
Managing to get through the entire class on classic literature was a trial. It was an area that Haruka excelled in, so usually she just sat and chatted with Michiru. But over the last couple of days, her friend had been giving her some odd looks.  
  
Finally, the class was over. She and Michiru took their books, and neither said anything as they walked toward the gym.   
  
Haruka was still silent as she stowed her gear in her gym locker and started dressing down. PT was another area where she excelled and, again, usually she spent the class with Michiru, helping the less athletic girl.  
  
This time, however, Haruka was prepared to remain silent again. That is, until she saw the way the other girls reacted to Michiru entering the locker room.   
  
When Michiru entered, the girls in the row where Haruka's locker was all picked up their gear and started moving to the other side of the room.   
  
The tall blonde seethed. There was no way she was going to let a bunch of whiny little twits treat her best friend like that.   
  
"Michiru! There's an empty locker here, " she said, "Right here next to me." This last part was said with a deliberate look at the other girls in the room.   
  
Michiru smiled in pleasure at Haruka's offer.  
  
"Thanks Haruka... I don't think that the other girls are too happy about sharing a locker room with... someone like..."  
  
"Shh... don't worry about it, Michiru. You know that we'll always be friends... I don't care what anyone says about you, and neither should you."  
  
Another of those brilliant smiles that tied Haruka's heart in knots.   
  
Thankfully, PT was able to distract Haruka enough that she didn't have to think about Michiru or her little smiles for an hour.   
  
Showering afterward wasn't much fun. Rather than get into a fight over winning Michiru's right to equal use of the facilities, Haruka simply stormed into the locker room and claimed a shower that she and Michiru could use. None of the other girls were willing to fight her over it.  
  
Haruka had nearly finished her shower when Michiru came in. She tried not to blush as Michiru looked at her, but she couldn't help but wonder if the other girl was checking her out.  
  
'But...' a small, traitorous voice whispered in the back of Haruka's head whispered, 'You WANT Michiru to look at you, don't you?'  
  
"Haruka?" Michiru softly asked, "Would you... like have dinner with me tonight?"  
  
"I,... um..." Haruka felt torn. Yes... oh god yes she wanted to have dinner with the beautiful young woman... wanted to watch candle light reflect in those large, liquid eyes... wanted to take her home afterward... wanted to taste those soft, feminine lips... But she was afraid. Afraid of what that would mean. She was so torn she couldn't even form a coherent answer.   
  
  
Michiru shook her head, smiling bitterly.  
  
"I understand... I shouldn't have asked. It's just that... I have to go."  
  
Haruka watched Michiru's retreating back, feeling... regret?... twist in her belly like hot lead.  
  
Her next class was mathematics... one of the few she didn't share with Michiru. As she walked in, she heard some of her classmates whispering. They stopped when they realized that the Haruka had entered the room.   
  
One of the girl turned to her and, frowning back at her friends a bit, diffidently asked Haruka,  
  
"Say... Haruka? We were discussing something that one of us heard, and well... you and Michiru are friends... can you tell us..."  
  
She must have taken some warning from the way Haruka's eyes narrowed dangerously.   
  
"Drop it. Right now. Not another word about Michiru. Understood?"  
  
Haruka's anger was boiling insider he head. The girl before her should have taken the warning and backed off, but she kept at it.  
  
"What? Its not like were spreading rumors behind her back... she out and out admits that she's got some pretty perverted tastes and..."  
  
"Shut the hell up." Haruka said in an icy voice. "You have NO idea what you're saying, you naive little twit. You don't have any clue what its like to finally find someone who can put something warm and bright into the cold, dark hole where your soul used to live... only to have everyone around you tell you "its wrong... Its not natural... you'll go to hell.."... telling you its not meant to be just because the person you fell for had the bad grace to be born the same sex as you."  
  
The entire time she had been speaking, her voice had grown louder and angrier. " What the hell is so "wrong" about it? Hmm? Tell me! What is wrong with falling in love... with pushing back the cold however you can? TELL ME!"  
  
Suddenly, Haruka stopped, realizing that everyone in the room was staring at her. When she saw one of the boys in the room nod to another, the two sharing a knowing look, she felt something snap in the chest.  
  
Running out of the room, she fled to the bathroom. Once there, she spent several long moments starring into her reflection.  
  
"You moron!" she said to her mirror image, "Now everyone thinks that you... that you and Michiru... AGHH!"  
  
As she screamed the last syllable, Haruka lashed out, smashing the mirror before her with a blow of her fist. The sharp pain of her shredded knuckle skin finally snapped Haruka out of her trance like rage. But this was no better, as she started weeping uncontrollably.  
  
Michiru was just rounding the corner to the bathroom as the sounds within caught up to her. Stepping in, she was shocked by what lay before her.  
  
Haruka, weeping, with her bloody fist slowly grinding into the glass of a broken mirror.  
  
"Oh Haruka..." she whispered. "What did you do to yourself?"  
  
Her friend's voice called Haruka back to reality. She knew Michiru was going to be angry... was going to tell her off for acting like the idiot she was.   
  
But the aqua haired girl simply took off her brand new scarf and wet it in the sink.  
  
"What are you..." Haruka started to ask.  
  
"Shh... it's ok Haruka..." Michiru whispered softly as she gently took Haruka's torn hand and started cleaning it with her prized silken scarf, as if the afore mentioned item were a common rag.  
  
This display of tenderness brought a new flood of tears to Haruka's eyes.  
  
"Haruka... what's wrong?"  
  
But the tall blonde couldn't answer. She could barely look her friend in the face.   
Looking away, it was a complete shock as Michiru wrapped her in a tight hug.  
  
Haruka hesitated for a moment, then wrapped her arms, one hand tied up with Michiru's scarf, around the aqua haired girl.  
  
"Haruka? Is there anything I can do?"  
  
The tall young woman was silent for a moment, then pulled back from the embrace a bit. Taking Michiru's chin in her good hand, she stared into the partner's eyes silently for a long moment before asking,  
  
"Is... that dinner invitation still open?"  
  
Fin  
Michael Treiber  
November 10th, 2001  
  
Ok... that was short, maybe not so sweet, and... what was the point? Anyway... as always, please review. I can't tell what I'm doing wrong if you don't. And again as always, I reply to every email I get, including flames.   
  
And yes... much of the conversation described in this fic is stuff I really heard said around school. Id like to say I'm doing something about it, but other than tell the other people around me that they're idiots, there's not much I can do... as I said, the organization I belong to isn't all that tolerent of homosexuals, so Its not like I can talk to an instructor about it... so, I do the best I can. It still doesn't feel like enough. Thus, a vent-fic. 


End file.
